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I have an excuse. A very good one. Really. You should let me explain.
There was this maid, you see. Eyes like sea foam. A mouth that could make a man jealous of the cheese she nibbled, the wine she sipped. Legs that would make Andraste herself swoon. A voice that would put the most proud of larks to shame. A bosom that would cause anyone to swear off pillows for the rest of life. A bottom like – I wonder what the chance is that you, dear reader, are a woman…
If that's the case, I probably should stop wasting your time with my jokes and give you the real reason.
Turns out, that my morality caught up to me before my mortality did. Never saw that one coming. My eyes were opened as I stood over the sobbing noble and my hand trembled. I have been so very wrong. I am now rightly concerned by all the damage I have caused to innocents over the years. There is only one solution, and the Maker has shown me the way. Discarding my previously heinous life, I must attempt to atone for these hands so foolishly dripping in blood. I will walk the roads of this fair world with weathered feet and an enlightened heart, doing what I can for others and taking nothing except enough substance to survive and, even then, only if another does not need it more.
Ah, I might have laid that one on a bit too thick.
Ok, there was this other assassin, and he and I end up in a duel to the death over which one of us would get to kill the pompous noble. I, of course, won valiantly with great skill, but only after seven days of endless battle, in the rain upon the rooftops of Val Royeaux –
Whoops, right, you already know that the noble was living in Kirkwall. Apologies. My mind has been growing mighty forgetful in my old age of twenty.
You see, the truth is that I could not strike down the noble after I learn his secret. He is my father, and my real name John Luc de Landrunner. Since my inheritance is now much greater than the pay I would have received from the successful completion of this mission, and I have many a Chevalier at my disposal, I now thumb nose at you.
Hmm, perhaps that one sounds a bit fair fetched. I also retract the rather rude last part.
Fact: He had a dragon. A really, really big one. As a pet of all things. Kept it on what I do believe was a rather flimsy leash and it had already eaten two maids the day I was attending the noble’s court. Figured it was not worth it.
Actually, even I don’t believe that one.
You have to understand, this was a difficult mission. One does not simply walk into Mor –
Oh, sod it. A wizard did it.