To: Coterie Legal Affairs (firstname.lastname@example.org), Coterie Sales Staff (email@example.com), Supervisor X (coteriemmX@geocities.com), Longshoreman X (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Assassin X (email@example.com)
Subject: Re: Missive 9:39
I regret to inform you that shipment of one (1) dagger to the heart (<3) of Noble le Pew of the Heartlands, in response to an unforgivable (</3) insult suffered by a client, has not been delivered in a timely fashion. I understand your disappointment and appreciate the inconvenience this causes our organization.
The Shipping/Receiving Department of our local office reported no fewer than nine (9) Noble le Pews, as Heartlands residents. Five (5) of which had Noble as their first (1st) name. Having requisitioned ten (10) daggers, at the Home Office, due to a clerical error, success seemed inevitable, if interminable.
During item 95b of my attached expense report file [aborted transit to Home Office, after stamping the receipt received by the ninth (9th) known (???) addressee], I passed the neighboring estate of the recipient's well-known competitor. A small (3') young (~5 years old) child, painting a fence, was overheard as referring to her pet skunk, as "le Pew."
Concluding that this Noble le Pew (10th) must be the unforgivable (</3) insult, suffered by Noble le Pew (9th), I quickly filed the requisite paperwork with the Local Office. Their staff performed excellently, allowing me to return before the three-day (72 hours) weekend. Upon stamping the receipt, however, white paint had transferred to the paperwork, forcing a new filing.
Upon review, it appears that shipment may have been fraudulently received, by one "Penelope Pussycat." I suggest that Legal Affairs be involved, immediately.
The second (2nd) attached file is an emergency requisition form for another dagger. Please forward, if Legal Affairs expects delays in recovering any of my expended resources. Regardless of my error, I fully expect that no complaints will be forthcoming from our client.
If your satisfaction cannot be met, please fail to contact me directly.