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To the Directors and Associates of the Coterie,
First let me say that I am devastated by your choice of words in the letter you sent me. I am not, nor will I ever be, a part of your little "Assassin's Club". 'Tis degrading too my name! Moi! In an organization! The one and only Yenaille ov Urthemieu 'Roux eth Na Equinairre Xouille Tu is led by none! I kill and you pay. La tâche n'est pas difficile! Then you speak to me as though I am incapable of protecting myself against mediocre assassin hobos such as yourselves. I spit on you.
[It appears the writer of this letter has actually spat upon the parchment. And you thought it was brown from being burnt.]
Anyway, you told me to kill the Comte de Vâch le Grand during the Masquerade celebrating his son's wedding. Getting in was easy, since everyone invited was disguised. Paper-faces on parade, no? Getting close to the Comte was harder. His guards were clad in massive red steel, with Dragonbone greatswords. The Comte himself wore fine drakeskin. The best time for me to strike would be when he is unarmored. But when do you where nothing in a party? 'Tis after the party. With your intoxicated lover(s). I would need to hide in his bedroom. But I am terrible at locks, so I needed a key. And the only two people with keys were the Comte, and the Comtess. I had heard from sources that Comtess Hélène de Vâche la Grande was one of the most beautiful, and yet one of the loneliest women in the Kirkwall Viscountcy. And I just happened to be a master of seduction... et l'amour!
I suppose I have you Coterie to thank for mon bien-aimé Hélène. The only lover I couldn't leave. I believe it was actually she who seduced me, since I must have been too enamored by her. Forbidden fruit is greatest, no?
Then the Comte and his two new lovers walked into the room. Me and the Comtess were in the middle of a long and heart-heavy kiss when the three drunk buffoons slumped in. I had forgotten my job! Moi! Yenaille ov Urthemieu 'Roux eth Na Equinairre Xouille Tu! I keep a dagger on me at all times, even in bed. So I lept out of bed and lunged at the Comte, ready to spill the adulterer's corrupted blood. But the Comtess' led out a quick shout of denial, and I steadied my blade. And the Comte let out a plea:
"Do not slay me great assassin! I am wealthy beyond your sights! Give me my life, and I will give you my greatest treasure!" he cried. And I pondered upon his request. Then I looked upon Hélène, whose eyes filled with desire for me, freedom, and respect.
"Your wife is your greatest treasure. And you treat her like a trophy." I said.
Then he looked at the Comtess. "No! She is mine! You cannot have her!" His sudden argument confused me. He was like a child refusing to give up an old toy he never used. I do not even think he even noticed Hélène until I mentioned her.
I pointed my dagger to his throat and made a charging motion. "Then you cannot have your life!"
"No! No, please! Take her! Take her! Just don't hurt me!" And I did. I may be an assassin, but I find more pleasure in making victims suffer emotionally than physically. So me and the Comtess left the mansion for destiny, without blood on my hands or dutiful guards pursuing. Just pockets full of the Comte's life savings.
Now Coterie, don't think I won't notice any wanted posters around. I will know if you send an assassin for me. But know this, it will be less expensive not too.
Sincerely, Yenaille ov Urthemieu 'Roux eth Na Equinairre Xouille Tu
P.S. I am training the Comtess in the art of swordplay. She is a very quick learner. So don't even have thoughts about singling her.