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From the office of Provisional Viscount Bran of Kirkwall: Please circulate to all functionaries. Swap in the names of our newest "benefactors" and let us be done with their endless attempts at cleverly veiled intentions.
To the forces and/or diplomatic representatives of (copy their names and meaningless honorifics here),
Thank you for your kind offer of (tiresome insistence), but I assure you that we are quite inundated with similar inquiries at the moment. It falls to me, as provisional viscount, to draw your ire, and for that, I sincerely apologize. I assure you that I do not wish this to be the case: neither the refusal, nor my place in the delivery of it. Perhaps you will join the chorus of those questioning whether I possess the authority to deny you? Rest assured, when arrows are still in the air, it is common for those who desire stability but who lack the will to fight for it to impose the opportunity onto others deemed expendable. And as I was one of the few remaining who knew the relevant protocol, representing "freed" Kirkwall apparently falls to me. Or, rather, with the role left open, I was pushed in by unpopular vote. In either case, there is falling, but the precedent is well tested.
I expect the previous in no way will deter you from continuing your aggressive inquiries. Kirkwall has always been a valuable port, the nexus of nearly all trade that flows between the Free Marches and Ferelden. It has changed hands many times before, and I expect (posturing leader's name) would see it do so again. On this point. I would urge caution for a number of factors have deviated from the historical norm.
If Hawke became Viscount...
While our legitimate viscount has indeed vacated his/her office (temporarily, I am promised), much of his/her short reign was spent girding our wounded home. No doubt your leaders heard this is where the ripples of rebellion began. That is true, but it is also where that rebellion was first opposed. As those ripples travel outward, our viscount and Champion contends that the center has earned some calm.
If Hawke was not made Viscount...
While the office of viscount has been vacant since the unfortunate end of the Dumar line, we have not been without effective leadership. The role of the Champion in stabilizing Kirkwall cannot be minimized, despite the actions that have been more widely circulated. No doubt your leaders heard this is where the ripples of rebellion began. That is true, and violently so, which makes any stability we have earned preciously guarded. As those ripples travel outward, our Champion and others have committed to the continued calm of the center.
As such, we are eager to resume commerce and will entertain any and all promises of trade. I do assure you, "offers" of protection and the extension of foreign borders or troops are not necessary.
But I am nothing if not a realist. If your inquiry was made with genuine intent, then this appeal should suffice to end the matter graciously. If, however, your offer was mere formality before attempting a disguised occupation, I'll refer your first to the examples of (cite the two most recent fools who would not listen) who made similar assumptions that we would be a desperate target. I would then direct you to the person who ensured that the forces of (those same two idiots) were summarily expelled in various states of dismemberment.
Because, (deluded new interloper), despite the fact that my underwhelming name carries the "provisional viscount" honorific, Captain of the Guard Aveline [Vallen/Hendyr] has spontaneously and effectively assumed matters of defense.
If Aveline stayed with Hawke and Hawke was not Viscount...
While we were temporarily without such guidance, she ensured that the guard were well prepared, and I have welcomed her return.
Her activation of the Kirkwall militia has been spirited and fearless, two things I do not care to be known for, so I stay out of her way.
For the sake of your health, I advise that you do the same.
In greatest respect to you, (newest invading crowned prick),
Provisional Viscount Bran